hi

i came upon this site after a desperate internet search... again searching for answers to my new son's unfathomable behaviors. i have questions that make other parents stare at me blankly. questions that my usual network of supportive friends with kids thought could only be answers by professionals. professionals offered some insight, but little resolution. we were/are living day to day. exhausting describes our everyday life, on some days i image its a lot like what hell might look like! a life that was once described as peaceful, that was once described as fun. after finding this site, maybe tomorrow will be described as hopeful?

some background: i am a divorced mother with 2 incredible kids. they are easy-going, insightful, and full of life. they make parenting a joy-filled experience. yes, they're still kids, and we have had the occasional tough day... but it truly is occasional with them. then i met the man of my dreams. he was a single dad and instantly bonded with my kids. like me, he had been divorced for 3 years. unlike me, his ex had committed suicide a few months before we started dating. he brought his 5 year old son into our relationship full time. at first i was overjoyed to have another 5 year old... my daughter is the same age. i was very open to caring for him as my own. but immediately i realized that his transition into our new family was very hard for him. he had tantrums the likes of which i had never seen. he wet the bed at naps and at bedtime, smeared his poop all over the house, stuck his fingers in his butt, strangled the pets, hit, kicked, screamed, and bit us all. he made up wild stories of neglect and abuse, he bristled when i tried to touch or comfort him, he was LOUD, used bad language... you get the point, and i explain only to show that his behaviors were very exaggerated and CONSTANT. he had no remorse for his actions and didn't seem to understand consequences.

since his mother had recently died, he was already in weekly therapy. we also added "family therapy" in to address the daily battle we were being confronted with. i felt he needed time to understand his major loss and to learn to accept (and hopefully embrace) his new family. i tried being consistent, gentle, patient, and also available to him for months. he continued to bite, spit, shit and hit ;) finally, a year later, we were at our wits end. our counselor referred him to a psychiatrist. she very quickly diagnosed him with bi-polar disorder and put him on risperdol. (btw, we eat completely organically, with very little sugar or caffeine, and have a pretty regular daily routine). we have seen some improvement, but all of the behaviors are still there.. just in a less intense way. since his mother was bi-polar, it complicates things. does he have a genetic predisposition for that? or does he have RAD? the symptoms seem to be very similar. does he have BOTH? what therapies do parents use? if any. i am in content search for answers.. partly to stop the war in our home and to ease the constant tensions we feel... but primarily because i need my son to stop suffering. i have to believe this is hardest for him, no matter how much pain he inflicts on us. any suggestion???

THANK YOU!!!