Extreme Clinginess
Wed, 07/08/2009 - 04:50
Many parents of traumatized children (including myself) might think that if there is any behavior to have, this might be it, but it still concerns me.
My husband and I recently adopted a 14 year old boy from the foster care system. He had been in the foster care system for 10 years, since he was removed from this mother at the age of 4. The bio-mom and her family were prostitutes and drug abusers so he had very little care as a child.
The behavior that I deal with is that he wants to be physically touching you at all times, whether it's hanging over my back, sitting on my lap while I'm working on the computer or simply holding my arm while I'm doing something. He's never sexually inappropriate, he's just ALWAYS there! He's a full-sized kid who weighs 140 pounds, so by the end of the day, I'm physically exhausted.
Has anyone else experience this? Will it eventually wear off? His adoption has only been final for about 5 months now and he's been living with us for 8 months, so this is all relatively new.
Any insight would be appreciated.
Whitney
Comments
When kids don't get what they need at certain points in life - like touching, cuddling, rocking - they can become developmentally delayed at that point. This is exacerbated in the cases of abuse and neglect. When a child finds themselves being cared for, and starts the process of trusting a caregiver, the process of attaching includes going through the phases that were halted. It sounds to me like your 14 year old is acting like a normal 4 year old - right at the point he was removed from the unsuitable environment.
There could also be an element of hyper-vigilance going on here - which would make total sense.
Give it time, he'll continue to progress and I expect will - at some point - grow out of it.
Does he have a therapist and/or a psychiatrist? If so, what does his diagnosis look like?
Something else to think about is the "Anxious Sub-Type" of Reactive Attachment Disorder. Given your boy's situation, it wouldn't be suprising if he does have attachment issues.
The anxious sub-type is:
PsychNet-UK Disorder Information Sheet
I am not a pyschologist or psychiatrist. Nor have I ever met your child. I'm not qualified to make any kind of diagnosis - but this is something I would definately bring up with your boy's mental health-care provider.