One of the extreme challenges of working with the Child of Trauma - particularly those who are afflicted with RAD - relates to the 7-1 rule. Basically the 7-1 rule says that for every negative input, a child who has been abused and traumatized at a young age, needs seven positive. Often the Child of Trauma doesn't believe he or she is lovable. They have a deep self loathing that reaches back to the caretakers who hurt, abandoned, or neglected them. The child will act out on these beliefs, often presenting the worst behaviours they can muster. The child of trauma will act out in unpredictable and unhealthy ways - often heavily abusing the people who are fostering or have adopted them. It is common for these kids to be physically and verbally abusive making it nearly impossible for a caretaker to find one positive input for the child let alone seven in a day.

Caretakers of Children of Trauma end up feeling worn out, impatient, angry, guilty, and resentful of the very child they brought into the home. Thoughts of "I saved this kid! Why the heck can't s/he figure it out and be grateful or at very least not be so mean?" Parents of the Child of Trauma can find themselves questioning if they are suitable parents.

Handling trauma behaviors is hard. Some find that there are different therapeutic techniques that help, others make use of medications, regular respite care, and still others find themselves so trapped that they simply give up and disrupt an adoption before it finalizes.

What ways have you tried to cope with your child's trauma behaviours? What has worked and what hasn't worked?