Surfing on CNN, I came across this article on kids in the Foster System and University. A shocking 2% of kids from foster care in the USA go to University. Why? They often miss out on formative experiences that give them the tools that they need to cope. It makes total sense to me that this would be the case. Kids who live through multiple traumas and are re-damaged over and over again live in a "fight or flight" world. Their brains haven't developed properly and the organizational skills often lack.

When working with a Child of Trauma, keeping things simple and non-stressful is critical aiding in the bonding process. Sometimes this might simply be sitting on the couch watching tv. You can also engage in simple card or board games. Getting down on the floor and playing with your child is a great way to bond as well.

I like doing things out of doors. You need to be fairly far away from the hustle and bustle of traffic and people - kids who have traumatic backgrounds often have difficulty focusing when there is a lot going on around him or her. So, what do you do out in the middle of a field? What can seemingly be magical but is relatively easy to do?

Head to the local dollar store or the grocery store. The cheap $4 kites fly remarkably well and are inexpensive enough that you won't care if they get destroyed.

Think about looking down a dark alley or into an unfamiliar space where you can't see all the way into the corners of the room. Think about your last job interview. Think about your first day of school. Your first date. A trip to the doctor when you don't quite know what's wrong with you.

All these things evoke fear.

We are wired to be frightened of things unknown. Many thousands of years this was infused into our being to ensure we didn't get eaten by some much larger critter.

We all know what it feels like to fear something we are unsure of.

Now spend a little bit imagining what it would be like to be a little kid from a traumatic background. You have no control over your life. You might have a father who does drugs - perhaps he smacks your mother around while you watch or listen. Perhaps your mother isn't reliable either - she doesn't feed you regularly and perhaps has lots of different men over to your home. Possibly you get hit for no real good reason like spilling a little milk or having an accident. Maybe your parent just don't pay any attention to you at all, leaving you at home alone and you never really know when they are going to come home.

Well, today is a day to celebrate! TraumaAdoption has turned two years old. What started as a labour of love two a little over two years ago - a way to create a virtual support group amongst folks all around the world - has become a little supportive community.

We chose November 1st to launch the site because it was the first day of "National Adoption Month". We thought it would be fitting to share the day.

Climbers and outdoorsmen will tell you that fear is the killer when you are in a dangerous situation. Yoda said, "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

Bryan Post would say that all bad behaviours in our Children of Trauma are based in fear. Fear that was brought on by early childhood trauma whether that trauma be  physical, sexual, or verbal or if was based in neglect. These children are forced into survival mode - they become hyper vigilant - and the whole world is hostile and dangerous. Imagine that for a moment - every person and event feels like it is potentially life threatening. Normal is chaotic. Normal is unbalanced. Normal is loud and dangerous.